so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
