I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
