i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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