Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
