I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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