I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
