You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
