I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
