Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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