talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
