I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
His nipple licking is glorious
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