your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
