Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
sex in a hospital.. check
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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