you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
