Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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