so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
only you would photoshop your dick
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
