At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
