Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
