I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
