he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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