in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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