At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
