I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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