We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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