I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
