i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
