where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
