I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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