last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
