Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize