you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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