i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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