i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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