We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize