Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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