shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
