Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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