What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
