I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
