Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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