I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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