why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
