Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
