Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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