Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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