I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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