your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize