he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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