Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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