Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
