Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Barsexuality is the new black.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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