so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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