I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
