I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
