dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
