I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We were destined to go to rehab together
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize