But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
