I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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