I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
