I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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