I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
