His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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