Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
