Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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