I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
