Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
