the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
