i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
