I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
