How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
We got so high we made milksteak
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
