I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Pants are for mortals
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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