11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Someone shit on the floor
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize