i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Moan for me like Helen Keller
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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