I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
