yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize